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Food critic Tonya Kuxhausen writes reviews of meals she prepares for herself at home. Food is at the center of each article but the whole dining experience is considered and commented on. To paraphrase Socrates, an unexamined meal is not worth eating.

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See Me, Feel Me

I had walked all the way home from work, which took about 45 minutes. I was pretty tired and hungry when I finally made it to the kitchen. I was sweating. It was a little after 6:30 and I stood around eating almonds from the can before I realized Seinfeld was on. I "prepared" the rest of my meal and headed for the TV.

The Menu (6-2-03)

Raw tofu with barbeque sauce

Within the first five seconds of the show, I knew which episode it was; I had seen it several times and decided it was good enough to watch again. I didn't turn on any lights. I sat in the dark of my apartment on Justin's little brown couch, in my underwear, and ate my dinner while watching the Seinfeld rerun. It was the one where Kramer adopts a mile of a highway, Elaine squats in a janitor's closet to order flounder, and Jerry is a complete germaphobe and won't kiss the woman he's dating because her toothbrush fell in the toilet. I knew all this from memory -- I could hardly see the TV. I wasn't wearing my glasses and I felt too lazy to go get them. My eyes were tired from the computer at work and my vision was terrible that night. I could barely make out their faces on the screen. I have no idea who played Jerry's girlfriend, but her voice was vaguely familiar.

I continued eating almonds from the can - I really had a lot of them. I also ate raw tofu with barbeque sauce. I know it sounds terrible, but it actually was pretty good. High-quality tofu (organic, extra firm). It was really cold and the texture was nice. The barbeque sauce was the Wedge's own chipotle barbeque sauce, which is kind of sweet and zingy. I ate the tofu with my fingers. I had chopped it up in the kitchen and dipped it in the barbeque sauce and ate it like French fries. It held together OK but crumbled slightly in my fingers. I was thinking fried tofu would have been better. I am not sure how much I ate, but I think it was a lot of tofu. I sort of felt sick after.

To recap: I sat on my couch in the dark watching Seinfeld without my glasses eating raw tofu with barbeque sauce and almonds from the can. Anyone want to come over?